I haven't had too many problems being on Facebook. The people who've asked to be my friends are people I knew in college. Lately, there've been a few I wasn't all that friendly with, but I figured what the hell, it's online friendship, right? I'm not really rude enough to turn down a friend request from someone I at least knew in college. And was friends with at least superficially. But then, last week, my college boyfriend sent me an email and friend request on Facebook. Nice enough guy, dated him for two years, right before Rock. We were all but engaged when I broke up with him. (He had bought a ring and everything - I never saw it.) Messy breakup - he was distraught. At my door crying at 7 am while I got ready for work a couple of mornings, pounding on my door in the middle of the night (I wasn't there - I was in Rock's room!), calling me crying in the middle of the night. Finally, it tapered off. At the time, we said we'd stay friends. But we didn't. I've never stayed friends with an ex. Sometimes, there was a reason (ie, he was an asshole), sometimes there wasn't (as in this case, not an asshole, just didn't stay friends). I just never do - it's not my style.
So this all happened literally 10 years ago. I have only seen this guy two or three times since then. Now he pops back up and wants to be friends. I wrote back and did the catch up thing. He and his wife are expecting their first child. I was congratulatory, but cool. But he doesn't want to be just online friends. He still lives in NC and is working in Raleigh for a while and says, "If it wouldn't be too weird, maybe we could get some lunch one day."
I'm sure there's a polite way to say, "Look, I really don't want to be friends with you, now, after 10 years." I just have to find it.
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I would say, "Look, I'm glad things are going well for us both, but I don't think my husband would appreciate my getting together with an old boyfriend and your wife probably wouldn't be thrilled with it either." You probably won't hear from him again after that.
Fi - I think that's a great reply. May even copy it word for word. Thanks!
Catching up is good, but beyond that is just weird. Esp with his wife expecting his first.
Did I know you were on Facebook and why aren't you MY friend? Email me and I'll tell you my name.
I was going to suggest something very similar to what FP said. I think that's the way to go.
shelly - I totally agree. I'm fine with catching up, but I really don't want to be friends.
I will be happy to be your friend on facebook, I will email you.
jess - hope you're recovering well, sweetie! Good advice.
oooh sticky. I think FP's response was fab!
oooh weird. fiona is wise, as always.
i've totally rejected people on facebook. long-lost friends are fine (like random people from middle school or whatever) but more recent friends who have dropped out of my life? eh. we're not friends, and there's no long-term nostalgia there. sorry.
devan - thank you. Yes, I think fiona's reply is great.
alice - I think it's weird, too! Who the hell wants to be friends with someone who dumped them harshly 10 years ago?! When their life is going well now? There is something weird going on there. And good on ya mate for rejecting people. I've thought about it. And there are people whom I will not friend, no matter what.
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