Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Beating a Dead Horse

Why yes, I will talk about my mother in this post. However did you guess?
(Only briefly, I promise.)
Thank you, Fiona Picklebottom for your wonderful advice on my last post. Your reply was great. On further consideration, though, I decided not to use it. The main reason is that I didn't want to leave him with the impression that I would have gone to lunch with him if it weren't for my husband. Or his wife. Because in truth, it has nothing to do with either of them. Remember that old saying, "The opposite of love isn't hate - it's indifference."? Well, it's true. That's probably news to exactly no one. But, seriously, I look at his picture online and read his emails, and I just feel nothing. I don't think I would have lunch with him even if I were single. Not only have I never been one to stay friends with an ex, I've never been one to get back together with an ex. Once an ex, always an ex, and only an ex. Apparently, I am a cold hearted bitch. I ended up saying, "As far as lunch, thank you, but no. It's been fun catching up, but let's leave it at that."
He did say one thing that made me laugh, though. He asked how my parents were and I replied that I don't speak to my mom. I said, "You know most of the backstory there." He wrote back and said "I am shocked that you don't talk your mom anymore (oh sorry, was that too sarcastic after not talking to you for 8 years?)" Funny, but it also make me feel validated. It's not all in my head. Someone who knew me a long time ago understands why I don't talk to my mom. And with that, we'll leave the mother subject. Put down the noose. (Tell me you all remember Airplane!)
So Tessie is getting a divorce, and "Constance" was talking the other day about a guy she considered a backup if something happened to her husband or if things didn't work out. I was kinda thinking about those things on the way home and suddenly I remembered! I had a backup plan when Rock and I started dating! If things hadn't worked out, I had a plan in mind of what I was going to do. Now, to set the scene, you have to know that I was single, had a cat, was living in an apartment and had just barely eked into a corporate job that I wasn't sure I liked. (Let's just say that my job performance right out of college was slightly less than stellar.) When Rock and I first started dating, we were pretty casual, meaning that we kept dating other people as well. I went out with a few other guys, but honestly, no one even came close. I would have more fun standing in my apartment kitchen talking to Rock than I would have going out on a date with any other guy. (Aside - we had to stand in the kitchen and talk because Rock was allergic to my cat and could not sit on the furniture. Yes, he came to my apartment and visited me for a year and a half even though he was allergic to my cat.) So! My backup plan was that if things didn't work out with Rock, I would move to New York (with no contacts), try to become an actress (with virtually no acting experience), and become a lesbian (with even less experience). The combination of which would probably have resulted in me being homeless in New York and possibly drug addicted, but I bet I would be skinny.

12 comments:

Fiona Picklebottom said...

GREAT backup plan! Glad you didn't have to use it! ;)

Pickles & Dimes said...

Hee! That backup plan was FOOLPROOF.

Tessie said...

This entire thing is hilarious!

I guess I should brush off my Substitutions List, eh? I'm tired just THINKING of that.

Shelly Overlook said...

Hee! Love your backup plan. Glad Rock pulled through and didn't doom you to a life you were ill-suited for.

Jess said...

I do NOT have a backup plan. I am kind of curious as to what it would have been. But I guess I feel like I so wasn't planning to get married at this point in my life that if it were to not work out, I would just go back to doing what I was doing before.

Shelly said...

fiona - God, I know! And SO well thought-out! *rolls eyes*

Shelly said...

Shauna - Oh, totally! And the best part was that I was totally counting on meeting up with this chick I met on a business trip (whose name I didn't even know) and crashing on her floor. Because of course, she would still be standing at the TKTS booth.

Shelly said...

Thank you, Tessie!

No way, dude! Go out and meet all new people! As little and cute as you are, and given that you apparently look totally different every five seconds, that should be way more fun.

Shelly said...

shelly - you know, I'm not sure I've ever told him he saved me from a life of ill-advised acting and lesbianism. He'll love that.

Shelly said...

jess - if I've ever seen a person who does not NEED a backup plan, IT IS YOU! You and Torsten are awesome. However, as mine so richly demonstrates, a backup plan need not be grounded in reality.

Alice said...

HAHAAAAA. oh, how i've longed to be able to go lesbian. i used to think it would be simpler. after some recent life events, i've decided women are EFFING INSANE and i don't know how MEN even date us.

Shelly said...

Alice - yeah, I always thought same sex relationships would be simpler because you "speak" the same language. You would "get" each other, right? I'm so sorry to hear that you've had problems with someone recently. That sucks. Well, men and women both have their problems. It's amazing any relationship ever works out.