Thursday, June 19, 2008

Completely Irrational

I really did not have much room to be more crazy, but I got pushed a little further today.

This morning, driving to work, a spider fell from the ceiling of my car onto my forehead. At first, I didn't know what it was, but then I brushed it down onto my shirt and saw that it was a spider. So I grabbed a Kleenex and tried to catch the spider so that I could kill it. I *think* I succeeded in knocking the spider down from my shirt onto my skirt. I say I think because I didn't actually see the spider fall and then I couldn't see the (small, brown) spider on my multiple-shades-of brown skirt. Then, I think I knocked the spider off my skirt and onto the floorboard of my car. Again, I didn't see it fall and didn't see it on the floorboard. But it was no longer on my shirt, I couldn't find it on my skirt, and I didn't see it on the floorboard of the car. I have not seen the spider since. Immediately, my skin began crawling and I have had the sensation of bugs crawling all over me all day. I want to go home and take a shower so bad I could scream! And of course, now I'm worried that the spider isn't gone, it's hiding in some crevice of my body like my belly button and will lay eggs and then I'll be that gross woman on the news with a million little spiders hatching out of her belly button. (Yes, you can tell your friends that you know me. No, you may not point and laugh.) And now, my right calf muscle is hurting for no reason at all, so clearly that is a sign of a poisonous spider bite, right?

ARGH!!!

14 comments:

Tessie said...

FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Not irrational. AT ALL.

GAH!

Shelly said...

Thank you, Tessie. God, I love you.

Manager Mom said...

Oh. My. God. This happened to me once when I was driving with my infant daughter. It crawled somewhere in the dashboard and I lost track of it.

I had to pull over or I would have crashed us BOTH. I literally called my husband and MADE him come over and TRADE CARS. I could not function until he did a full on spider hunt and killed the damn thing.

I think he lied about actually finding it...

JMC said...

How the holy heck did you not crash the car? I would have totally crashed the car. I HATE SPIDERS.

Also, I don't have an email for you, or if I do I can't find it (read: too lazy to find out and/or track it down). I'm moving my blog. Email me so I can tell you where.

JMC said...

Oh, wait - my email:

jmc4wed AT gmail DOT como

Shelly said...

manager mom, I have bad news for you. I totally think your husband lied to you about finding the spider. But it was out of love. : ) That is hilarious!

Shelly said...

jmc - I fully admit that I swerved quite a bit. But I divided my attention between looking for the spider and driving the car. Which may be a big portion of why I didn't find the spider and why I didn't see him fall either time. I *thought* about stopping and dealing with the spider, but there was no good place to pull over.

Also, I will email you from my work account,as my hotmail is not reliable enough for important info such as your new blog address. Because I don't want to miss a single post.

Alice said...

haaaa that has happened to me, too. there was definite swervage and then i lost the spider and OMG WHERE IS THE SPIDER NO ONE KNOWS. i'm ALLEGRIC to spider bites, too. good times.

Shelly said...

omg, Alice - I definitely would have stopped and found that mf'er if I was allergic! Poor you!

The Hotfessional said...

hahahhahahaha. I'm sorry. snort.

I know that feeling. The dog brought a tick into bed one night.

I scratched for DAYS afterwards.

Shelly said...

Hot - go ahead and laugh. It's funny now.

And ticks are my second most hated animal - (second only to snakes).

Shelly Overlook said...

OMG, this is my worst nightmare. I loathe spiders. A few weeks ago a teeny spider came down from the ceiling fan while we were in bed and I could not sleep for fear that he was going to crawl on me while I slept.

Shelly said...

Shelly - yeah, I would have had a problem with that, too. If the creepy crawly is not removed, I remain afraid that it's going to crawl on me.

The Over-Thinker said...

I have a massive case of heebie-jeebies right now! I'd HATE not knowing where it went. HATE. I might have to sell my car.