April Fool's!

We have such a great April Fool's joke planned to play on Boss tomorrow! All the girls in the office are going to go to him with problems. I'm going to tell him I'm pregnant; two girls are going to tell him they're moving to other states; one girl is going to ask for a transfer to another office in another state; another girl is going to say that her (inter-office) relationship just broke up and she wants to take all of her vacation time to get over it, because looking at the guy will just be too painful; another is going to say that her (inter-office) boyfriend and she are going to elope and want to take two weeks' of vacation starting Monday for that and a honeymoon; another is going to say that she's going to back to school for her MBA; and another is going to say that she's going abroad. I'm sure he'll figure it out by about the third or fourth person, but this is going to be a scream!

Random Updates

Just in case anyone thought I was too hard on Supergirl in my last post, I'll update to tell you this: last night we went out to dinner and she was so well behaved that when we came home, I gave her the movie out of her Easter basket as a reward and let her watch it immediately. I believe firmly in rewarding good behavior, too.

Also, if anyone ever wondered how this blog got its name, I'll tell you. Rock is a stay at home dad. So both kids are "Daddy's girl/ boy". In fact, sometimes, when Rock is holding Wildman and has to pass him off to me, he cries for Daddy. It doesn't hurt my feelings, because when I come home from work, Wildman comes running to me and wants to snuggle. At night, though, when he's ready to sleep, he wants his daddy. So I say I'm Not the Daddy. I even made up a little song I sing to distract Wildman when he's crying for Rock -

Chopped Liver (to the tune of Moon River).
Chopped liver
I'm just chopped liver
I'm not the daddy,
I'm just
Chopped liver

Easter

Alright, this one is for people with more than one child (and those who had siblings):

Have you ever had a problem with jealousy? It's been a recurring issue in our house. Here's the latest story:

For Easter, of course I fixed Easter baskets for both children. I tried to make them as even as possible. I got them identical baskets and matching candy. Both got peeps, she got yellow chicks, he got green bunnies. Both got four Cadbury eggs, he got all regular eggs, she got two regular and two caramel. Both got Lindt chocolate bunnies, he got a white chocolate bunny, she got milk chocolate (with a red ribbon, her favorite color). (The Lindt bunnies were on sale, I happened to be at the mall, that's the only reason the bunnies were extravagant.) Anyway, you get the idea, I really knocked myself out trying to make nice, evenly divided Easter baskets for them. Then, Rock and I decided to give Supergirl a few "extras" in her Easter basket. So we added the first Shrek movie and a book (things we had bought earlier but hadn't given to her). I figured it was fine since she was older and Wildman is too little to know the difference. Yesterday morning, both kids were happy, ooh'ing and ahh'ing and happily munching on candy. But by noon, there was trouble in paradise. Supergirl was worried that Wildman had more in his Easter basket and wanted to count. People, she seriously wanted to take out all the items in each basket and count each piece of candy to find out who had more. Never mind that she had a book and a movie and he had only candy. So I let her. She emptied out her whole Easter basket on the table and counted each item, down to the individually wrapped chocolate eggs. (Thank God I hadn't dumped the jelly beans out! We'd have been there counting all day!) Then, she counted every item in Wildman's Easter basket. When hers outnumbered his, she was satisfied. Until I told her to pack her Easter basket back up, including the book and movie, because I was taking it all away. And the Easter egg hunt, which we were planning for yesterday afternoon, was cancelled.

What am I supposed to do with that child?

OMG, AND!

I heard the funniest thing on the radio this morning. Some high school kids in the area painted graffiti on their school. But it seems they were not the brightest students in class. Apparently, they used racial slurs against every race they could think of, including their own. And several terms in the graffiti were misspelled. In one case, they were trying to call someone a "pedophile".

They spelled it "petafile".

I laughed the rest of the way to work.

Six Word Memoir Meme

Jess had the most awesome meme the other day. You're supposed to write a six word memoir. Hers was great - "Need baby; will settle for dog." I think mine will be:

Lottery win desired; would become photographer.

And yeah, I know, you're supposed to pursue whatever you would do if you won the lottery. And I am. I took an evening course in photography, learned a lot and had a ball. And I take pictures all the time. I have some of my favorites up in my office right now. I've bought some awesome equipment recently (hello, have already spent small fortune!) However, there's a nationally renowned two year degree program in photography at a local community college that I am dying to take, but it is full time. You can't work and take these classes. What's ironic is that the community college is in the county where I grew up and my psycho ex-boyfriend wanted me to go to that community college after high school instead of a four year university. (He also wanted me to get an apartment and work at a convenience store. How I was supposed to afford tuition and the apartment working at a convenience store after my parents disowned me, he didn't know. Planning wasn't his strong suit. He also made me do his Spanish homework. I took French. Then he got mad when he failed. Logic wasn't his strong suit, either.) But, straight out of high school, I would never have taken the photography program and wouldn't have been able to afford the good equipment. But it's totally on my list of things to do before I die.

Three Things: Pet Peeve Edition

Watch out, Tessie, I'm stealing from you!

1) When you are on the phone with someone for business reasons and ask how they are, and they answer either a. "not good" or b. "I'd be better if x problem were fixed". Yes, I understand that you have a concern - that is why you and I are on the phone. You have either left a message or called my office and I am speaking to you to address your concern. But is it really affecting your life to the point that you cannot even exchange pleasantries? I had one person who was so upset that my office number showed up on his caller ID as an unknown number that he answered this way. Seriously?! Grow the fuck up already.

2) "Friends" who invite me to do things and then change their minds and de-invite me. One of my friends had invited me to go to the spa with her. She has a gift certificate. I don't. Therefore, I would just be going for fun and spending my own money. Well, then she realized that we wouldn't be in the same room at the same time, thought I didn't want to go as soon as she did, and suddenly declared that she wants to go by herself. And was mad that I was pissed.

3) Co-workers who ask stupid questions. Or demand that I drop what I'm doing to look things up for them.

Wild, Embarrassing Story From my Youth

Okay, first of all, I was not very wild as a youth. At all. I really didn't drink until college and I've never done drugs. I tried pot once, on a cruise, but honestly I was so drunk I didn't feel anything. So, as far as wild stories go, that leaves us with sex. And so I present to you The Time My Girlfriend and I Got Drunk in Vienna and Hooked Up

About a year after I graduated college, a friend of mine (we'll call her Tara), and I went to Vienna with her Art class. One night, we all went out to a wine garden and drank ourselves silly. Then we went to the bar across the street from our hotel and drank tequila shots for a couple hours. Then we went back to our hotel. Somehow, Tara and I got kind of frisky. There wasn't a whole lot to our hook-up, mostly kissing and above the waist petting. We laughed so hard about it the next day.

Daylight Savings Sucks

Eh. I've been kind of blah this week. A little down, a lot tired. This time change is playing hell with my sleep schedule. My life is too close to the margins anyway and losing an hour is just more than I can take. I usually try to go to bed between 9 - 9:30. I usually manage to go to bed by 10. This week, I haven't gotten to bed before 11. And I get up at 5:30am. Which feels like 4:30 since the time change. Today I was going to post about my ambivalence about having more kids, but I'm not sure I want to talk about that. Maybe tomorrow I will. Here are some questions for a meme that I found on a blog that is privacy blocked, so I won't link to it, but I will give credit. Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

Everyone has things they blog about.

Everyone has things they don't blog about.

Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on lima beans, favorite type of underwear, writing techniques, etc.

Happy Birthday, Crazy Bitch

Today is my mother's birthday. Those of you who've read this blog for a while might remember that I don't really talk to my mother. (You - roll your eyes and leave to read something more cheerful. I - don't blame you in the least. God knows I'm a broken record on this topic.)

Explanatory story about my mother:

She and another lady were organizing a bridal shower for a young lady in their church. (Mind you, I grew up in this church. I'd known everyone attending this shower for about 20 years or so.) The girl in question was a friend of mine, and I had recently helped with a bridal shower for another friend, so I offered to help. They had no decorations, so I offered to bring some. They thought a vegetable tray was too expensive, so I did one. Mother had ordered cake squares, but was afraid she hadn't ordered enough, so she asked me to bring cake mix and icing, so I did. They asked me to bring Supergirl, who was about 6 months old, so I did. Mother spent almost the entire shower feeding her cake. I didn't even ask her to stop. I had to leave before the shower ended, so I gathered up my stuff and got ready to go. Mother came over to offer to help carry something. I handed her what I had in my hand at that time - my purse and the diaper bag. I picked up Supergirl in her carseat and started towards the door. (It briefly occurred to me that this was a good arrangement, as my mother is tall, but very thin and not very strong. Supergirl in her carseat was a little heavy and very awkward. I thought I was being considerate and taking the heavier load.) Mother looks around, makes sure she has an audience, and says loudly, "I see - she doesn't trust me with the baby!"

The Five Facts Meme - It's Not a Cop-Out!

Laura did this meme last Wednesday. (What? I'm only a week behind!) It's kind of a variation on the seven weird facts meme, which a) I've already done b) I think is hard as hell because I'm not that weird, y'all! and c) I'm just a little too lazy to come up with seven facts about myself. Her theme was food, which I thought was awesome. In order to not be a total copycat, I've chosen a theme, too, but instead of food, I picked Dates and Times. (Okay, really, I just had more coincidences with dates and times than with foods.)

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them)
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

Five Facts - Dates and Times

1. I've changed jobs three times in the month of July. The first time was not by my choice. When the company I was working for downsized and cut my department in half, it was on July 30th. When I left the worst job I've ever had, it was at the end of July. When I left my last job and came to the job I have now, it was in mid-July. Somehow, that's my job-change month.

2. When I broke my ankle, the emergency room nurse shared my birthday exactly, except that she was born in the afternoon and I was born at night. But not last night! (Buh-dum-ching!)

3. Friday the 13th's have never brought me bad luck. In fact, they've usually brought good luck. When we were kids, my best friend and I used to say that Friday the 13th wasn't the bad luck day, it was Tuesday the 22nd. (I don't remember what happened on Tuesday the 22nd, but it must have been bad.) It just seemed like on Friday the 13th, things went a little better for me. Years later, some co-workers and I were almost in a wreck on Friday the 13th, but we avoided it. Supergirl was born on Friday the 13th. I'll have to tell her birth story after this, but when the doctor decided to induce labor on Thursday the 12th, he said, "Let's put you in the hospital tonight, induce labor in the morning and have a baby on Friday the 13th! Hope you're not superstitious!" I just laughed and said, "Actually, my best friend and I used to say that Friday the 13th always brought us good luck." You'll have to hear the rest of the story, but she was born by emergency c-section and we refer to her as our "Miracle Child".

4. Both of my children were born on the 13th. Supergirl was born on September 13th and Wildman was born on November 13th. If we have another child, since we'll be scheduling a c-section, I will probably try to schedule it on the 13th.

5. I was born on October 18th, 1976 at 8:30 pm. The Who played a concert that night in Winnipeg, Canada. I have a bootleg tape of that concert. It's a pretty good show.

As far as tagging people, hmmm....
Alice is always a good time.
Tessie never does memes when I tag her! (or when anyone else tags her, judging by her post today!)
JMC who's meme's are more interesting than most people's regular posts! Seriously, how do you pull out such fascinating stuff for memes?
Desperate housewife, because she seems really interesting!
Jess, new reader and friend!

URGH

So I was just online doing that stupid google your own name thing (oh, come on, we all do it). And I found out there's another person with my exact name in Chesnee, SC! Hello, other Shelly! And then I googled my maiden name. (Really, I was trying to find out how hard/ easy it is to find this blog. I didn't find it.) And I found a person with my maiden name who is an event planner in Hawaii. I cannot begin to tell you how jealous I was for a split second. I mean, an event planner in Hawaii?! How fucking cool is that?! I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. Wow.

And then....Then, I found my salary information from when I worked for a US Congressman. Yep, my. actual. salary. Posted online. I still want to throw up.