Monday, October 19, 2009

Both Sides Now

Whew. Sorry for disappearing again. Things have been crazy around here. We've had the flu - not swine flu, I don't think, since it was very mild and only lasted a few days. But we passed it around the house, of course, and there's just not much more depressing than seeing sickness work its way through your children and knowing that you're next and there's just nothing you can do about it. But we lived through it, obviously. And Rock and I were locked in a fight for about a week or so and there were days, I swear, in which I didn't know who I liked less, him or me. And I wanted to change my life, my job, my friends, my family, I wanted to tear it all down with a wreaking ball. And I felt so envious of people around me. They were doing so much more than I was! They were going on trips! They were going back to school! And then. I read blogs. And Hot said, I don't know how other people do more than just work and come home and collapse. And Kalisa wrote a post about feeling unsatisfied and about appreciating the life she had. And I started to breathe a little easier. Because it wasn't just me. I wasn't going crazy, my life didn't suck. I hadn't screwed it all up and should scrap it all and start over. (No, I really didn't believe that one, either. But it kinda felt that way a time or two.) But somehow, it started to ease up. Hearing that other people felt the same way from time to time helped. And I don't know what it was and why I felt so unsatisfied. Or why it passed. But I'm so very grateful that it did. Focusing on my life and the things that were going right helped. Because there is a lot going right. Things at work are going well. Of course I can't tell you much, but I've had a few little successes and little successes are always very buoying. I've had a couple days off, too, which always help me get a little more perspective. And this weekend, I'm heading to Charlotte to get together with a couple girls I've been friends with since college, so that will be a good relaxing weekend. I've lost a little more weight, and I'm very nearly down to the next clothing size and that is making me feel great. I have some small goals on that front and I'm hitting them this time instead of just watching the time go by and wishing I was doing something. It makes me feel more in control of my life, and that's a big step.

Yesterday was my birthday and those of you who know me know that I am like a little kid about my birthday; I love it. I had a great weekend. One of my closest friends took me to the movies and we saw The Informant, which was awesome. I finally got The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. Here's the whole story on that. I had told Supergirl how much I liked that series and how excited I was about the new book and she didn't get the part about how it wasn't coming out here until next spring, so she REALLY wanted to get me that for my birthday. Well, Rock told me about that so when I found out that it could be ordered from Amazon.uk, we decided to make that happen. So then, of course, I ordered it, but then had to wait until my birthday to "get it" from her. Anyway, I spent about half the day yesterday reading it, have read the first four chapters and I already think it is fantastic.

So, life, crazy old roller coaster that it is, is on a upswing right now. One of my dearest friends just had a baby (two days before my birthday!), and things just keep getting better and better.

18 comments:

desperate housewife said...

I'm glad you've rounded the bend, and that you had a good birthday! Good birthdays help a lot, in my experience.

nicole said...

We definitely all have those days. Just last Friday I was filled with restlessness and grumpiness and general funkiness for no obvious reason. But I made myself sit outside and read my book while the kids played and I made myself be happy with the dinner Husband cooked and somehow, eventually, the funk went away. At least mostly.

P.S. Reading Revolutionary Road did not help my mood, so don't read it if you haven't yet. I don't think there was one thing I liked about it.

d e v a n said...

Upswings are good!! Happy Birthday yesterday too!! :)

Shelly said...

DH - Yeah, that was the funniest part to me - I really don't think any of it had to do with my birthday. I love my birthday and I have no problem with my age. Just a weird time.

Shelly said...

Nicole - Thank you! It definitely helps to hear that other people feel that way, too. Yeah, I've read Revolutionary Road (earlier this year, I think). I agree - I don't think there was one thing I liked about it, either. Terrible book. Funny you mention that, though - I was slogging through a book I wasn't really enjoying. It wasn't about marriage or family at all, but it was pretty joyless nonetheless. We may be on to something here.

Shelly said...

Devan - thanks so much! Yeah, I'm liking the upswing. Trying to figure out how to make it last.

Shelly Overlook said...

Happy Birthday (late)!!!! I hope the coming year brings you all the happiness you so deserve.

Shelly said...

Shelly - thank you, darlin! I think it will. Things are going pretty well.

-R- said...

Happy belated birthday!

It's suprising how little tiny successes can make you feel so much better.

Shelly said...

R- Thank you! It's true, little things can make a big difference!

Fiona Picklebottom said...

Happy birthday (a little late)!!!

Shelly said...

Fiona - thank you!

Alice said...

happy (late) birthday!!

omg, i LOOOOOOVED the girl w/the dragon tattoo. i read probably the last 500 pages in one sitting (helps when you're travelling for 20 hrs straight...!) i can't wait to pass it on to someone else now - care package from ME time :-)

Shelly said...

Alice - thank you and same to you, my friend!

I am SO GLAD that you loved it! I love sharing great books with friends! It totally made my day to hear that.

Jess said...

I'm glad you're feeling better about things! I hope you had an awesome weekend. And happy belated birthday!

Shelly said...

Jess - thank you! Yes, my weekend was great. So great that my work week is looking pretty sucky. : )

Hyphen Mama said...

I think the restless need-to-stir-up-my-life business is going around (I always like to blame the moon, because it can't defend itself). I go through phases where I'm positive everybody on the planet is doing so much more than I am, having way more fun and of COURSE they're all thinner and more beautiful...and if I weren't such a loser, I'd be doing that, too. Alas, I'm wrong. Glad you came out of it to see what is good and positive in your life.

Happy VERY Belated Birthday!

Shelly said...

Hyphen - Yeah, it DID seem to be going around, so I told myself maybe it was the phase of the moon or something like that. It helped so much to think that it wasn't just me. And I love your description! That's exactly how I felt! Everyone else was doing all that and MORE!

And thank you!