Monday, October 1, 2007

Confession

I have a hard time not favoring one of my children over the other one.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have a favorite, but I have one difficult child and one easy child. One child with whom everything's a fight, every opportunity is taken for back-talk or pushing limits or testing authority. One child who is happy and content 99% of every day. Maybe a little clingy sometimes and fussy when sleepy, and definitely mischievous and into everything, but basically, a truly relaxed, happy child. One child whom I love, but some days have a hard time liking. One child whom I feel I can't get enough of and could not possibly love or like any more. One child who feels like a constant trial, who seems to know my weaknesses and the behaviors that will piss me off the worst. One child who feels like a constant delight and just seems to brighten every day.

So tell me your stories, readers, if you had brothers or sisters. Did your parents have a favorite? How could you tell? How did that make you feel? If you were the favorite, did you use it to your advantage or did you help out your siblings?

10 comments:

MrsGrumpy said...

I was the baby girl. I have two older brothers. I was also the only granddaughter, and niece, but my grandparents favored my brother. He was the first born. I was (still am) daddy's little girl. My mother never looked at me as her daughter, but more as her competition, and it hurt. I wanted a Mommy. I took the little scraps she gave me over the years. She was den mother for my brother's cub scouts, but never let me join girl scouts. She took my brothers to their sporting events, but I wasn't allowed to play because she wasn't going to "cart my a-- all over town...". So my dad kind of stepped in. I know I was his favorite (still am) because I stayed here in MI and we (my husbad and myself) spent a lot of time with him. My parents divorced last year after 40 years of marriage. Go figure. It was really sad. I think we love our children for different reasons. My son is easy going, my daughter is a drama queen. I love them both, but my son is a lot easier than my daughter is.

Shelly said...

Wow, your mother sounds like a nightmare. I know how you felt, I wanted a Mommy, too. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I do agree that we love our children for different reasons. I adore my daughter and I love her fiesty personality, but I can't stand the constant attitude, the testing of us as parents and the disregard for things I tell her to do/not to do. I'm starting to think that all boys are easier than girls - you're about the fourth mother I've heard that from. And it's certainly true in my house as well.

Tessie said...

I've often felt like my sister is my mothers "favorite", but for opposite reasons than the ones you mentioned. She is more needy, overshares with my parents, and has constant drama. I think it makes my mom feel needed whereas she probably feels that I don't need her. She's wrong, obviously, but I'm not good with the FEELINGS and what-not so I'm sure it's hard for her.

Shelly said...

Very interesting perspective, Tessie. I've definitely seen families like that, where one person gets all the attention because they are the most trouble. Something else to guard against. (Not in a bad, "not another thing" kind of way - more in a "hmmm....hadn't thought about that in terms of my family. good to keep in mind" kind of way.)

Seems like so much depends on the parent and what kind of parent they want to be and what kind of relationship they want to have. Great things to think about!

The Hotfessional said...

Oh, my brother is definitely my mother's favorite. He's the only boy - and the middle child. She was the 4th of 5, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

My dad, though...I really don't think he favors any of us over the other.

Shelly said...

Hey Hotfessional! Thanks for visiting! Hmmm....Seems like mothers favor sons. Interesting.

Shelly Overlook said...

& this is why we're only having one child, I think. Our child is already on the difficult side, sounds a lot like yours. I am terrified that Baby #2 would either be worse, or would be like your more easygoing one and I would favor him/her more. I'm an only child so I never had to deal with sibling rivalry stuff.

Shelly said...

Hey Shelly! Yeah, I know what you mean. When I was pregnant with Wildman I was really afraid I wouldn't be able to handle two if they were both like Supergirl. But now he's wonderful and I wouldn't trade him for anything!

chronicbliss said...

I was the older sister and my brother was the younger brother, and I could definitely tell who my mother favored, and still does. Anything that happened to me in a bad way, from a fight at school to a wipe-out on my bike to rape I had brought on myself. Yet when my brother got his second DUI at age 25, Mom hired him a pricey lawyer to fight the cops on a technicality. So what does Mom have now? A daughter who has no confidence in her own judgement and has to second guess every decision she makes, and a son with an entitlement attitude the size of all North America who knows that whatever he decides to do will be right simply because he decided to do it.
I'd say don't worry about which kid is easier to handle, just as long as they get raised with the same rules. Like don't report your car stolen if she's 5 minutes late with it and then offer your own vehicle as a trade-in for your son's new car.

Shelly said...

Wow, Chronicbliss, that is some serious disparate treatment. I will make it a point not to do that. The rules are the rules are the rules. Sorry your mother was so difficult. And you're certainly right about the effects of parenting like that. I have some of those same effects from my mother's treatment.

btw, are you still writing a blog? I can't get to it anymore. Would you consider adding me as a friend?