Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Breaking News

News, this time posted within the week it happened!

I called my mother Sunday night. For the first time in seven years.

There were a lot of different catalysts for it. I'd been thinking about writing her a letter since before Christmas, but I never got around to it. I'd talked to a few friends and my dad about getting back in touch with her. Most seemed to think it was a good idea, but that I should be careful so that I don't get hurt again.

You know how sometimes an idea or a word keeps popping up, in lots of different contexts? I've had that going on lately about the idea of standing up for myself. And the main person I have always needed to stand up to was my mom. So I called her, and it went okay. It started off rocky, she started trying to argue with me and I kept blocking her and getting more frustrated and finally, when I was really feeling like the whole damn thing had been a huge mistake, I just asked her, "Look, what do you want? Do you want to be friends with me?" And she backed down and said yes, she did and that she was glad I called. She suggested that when she says something hurtful, I call her on it immediately and I said I would be willing to try that. After that, we had kind of a normal conversation, very stilted and awkward, of course, but not too bad. I gave her my phone number, so we'll see if she calls.

10 comments:

Mrs. Irritation said...

Wow. I'm speechless.

How do you feel now that you've made the effort? How will you feel if she never calls?

Standing up for yourself - go you! That's awesome!!

Swistle said...

That is amazing. You were so brave! And then you handled it so well, even though it started out so difficult!

d e v a n said...

Awesome!

Shelly said...

Mrs. Irritation - (Btw, have I told you how much I love your new name? I love it LOTS!)

I feel.....weird. Nervous excited, in the sense that she's my mom and I want a relationship with her, and nervous scared in the sense that she's hurt me a lot in the past and I don't want to be hurt again. And kind of pessimistic in that I feel like this whole thing is probably a waste of time and I'll probably end up not talking to her again. But we'll see.

Thank you!

Shelly said...

Swistle - Thank you! That is exactly what I needed to hear.

Shelly said...

Devan - Thanks! I hope it will work out.

Tess said...

Oh, I'm so proud of you for being able to do a PHONE CALL! GAH! I would have been a letter-writer all the way.

I do hope you'll keep us posted!

Shelly said...

Tess - HAHAHAHA!!! I SO WANTED to take the letter (easy) way out, but I realized that I was completely bullshitting myself and that I would NEVER write it. So I just called.

Alice said...

WOW that is so inspiring / impressive / brave! well done, you :)

Shelly said...

Alice - Thank you! We'll see what happens. So far, she hasn't called and I haven't called her again.