HA! HAHAHAHA! So Swistle linked to me (YOU KNOW which post!) and suddenly I had tons of new people reading and commenting. I have 50 comments on that one post, which is 25 (!) from other people and 25 from me. Which is the most I've ever had. On a post that, while I thought the situation was very funny, I didn't really want more than my usual handful of people to read. Oh naivete, how fun you were! So! Ah, welcome, to anyone who came for the p0rn and stayed for everything else. Should you, by some horrible chance, know me in real life, or have figured out who my father is, how about you just keep that fact to yourself, mmmkay? I have delusions of anonymity on this blog, so let's don't blow that, 'kay?
Let's move on to less embarrassing facts about my life, shall we?
Last week, I loaned my copy of The Usual Suspects to a work friend. Today, I came in and the movie was on my desk with a post-it note saying, "LOVED it. Thanks!" While I'm thrilled that she liked it, I'm also relieved. Because if she hadn't, it would have damaged our friendship. See, The Usual Suspects is one of my litmus tests for friends. If you hate The Usual Suspects, you and I probably cannot be friends. Another big test is Monty Python. If you hate Monty Python, I will think you are stupid. Not in a mean way; just in a "Oh, you don't get it" way. My ex-BFF hated Monty Python, and for years I couldn't figure out why that made me think less of her. Finally, Rock pointed out that she probably didn't get most of the Monty Python jokes, because she's really not that bright. Mean, yes, but also true. Mike Myer's Austin Powers movies are another one. Yes, there is a lot of juvenile, bathroom type humor in them, and if you can't at least loosen up and laugh a little, I will think you are a tightass. I'm not a crude person, by anyone's standards, but I think the Austin Powers movies are brilliant (esp. Goldmember). I will also hold it against you if you like the really cheesy and awful chick flicks. If Maid in Manhattan or Must Like Dogs is your all-time favorite movie, please do not sit beside me. Okay, this is starting to make me feel like a real asshole, so please tell me I'm not the only one. What are your dealbreakers for friends?
Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
If It Ain't Broke...
Subtitled: The Un-Brake Problem.
So, on Thursday, my car started making a horrible noise. It was coming from the front passenger tire and started as soon as I backed the car up to leave for work Thursday morning. Rock happened to be up and came out to the back porch when I stopped the car almost immediately and got out to look at the tires. I told him what was going on, he listened to the noise as I backed out of the drive, but since the car was driving fine, I decided to go on to work and deal with the noise later. I talked to Rock most of the way to work, trying to describe when the noise was louder, when it went away, etc. He thought it was probably a wheel bearing. He had me check the tire when I got to work to make sure it wasn't too hot. (I was supposed to check it at lunch, too, but I had the radio up too loud to hear anything then.) It did make the noise most of the way home Thursday night, though. Friday, Rock and I went to out to test the car and see if we could narrow down what the problem was and where we should take it for repairs. We put the car in reverse and it made the noise again, then we dropped it into neutral and let it roll forward. It made the noise again. This time, Rock decided that it must be the brakes. Since it was the brakes, we weren't willing to take the car just anywhere to be fixed. I don't know about where you live, but around here, brake jobs are the single biggest rip-off in car repairs. No matter what, if you take a car in for brake repairs, the mechanic is going to fix the brakes, then tell you that the brake pads were "worn clean through to the rotors" and "It was scraping metal on metal" and that they had to replace the rotors, too. (Please hear this in my best imitation of a redneck drawl.) After hearing this bullshit for three or four brake jobs, I am not interested in being ripped off again. The only place I will take my car for brake repair is the Best Mechanic on Earth. BME lives three houses up from my mom and I've known him since I was 14. His garage is behind his house and his dad lives next door to him. In bad weather or power outages, he rounds up the older neighbors and takes them to his dad's house, where they have a generator. In short, most honest mechanic ever. So, on Friday I called BME and asked him when he could take a look at my car. Yesterday was his earliest appointment, so we dropped the car off Sunday night and he worked on it yesterday. I called him about 5:00 last night to make sure the car was ready. His reply, "Yeah, I think I got ya ready to roll. Ya ain't gonna to believe what was makin that noise. Ya had ya a rock, stuck between the rotor and the brake guard, scraping against both of 'em. I flipped that outta there, and it was fine." We picked the car up last night. Total charge? $28, for the oil change he did.
So, on Thursday, my car started making a horrible noise. It was coming from the front passenger tire and started as soon as I backed the car up to leave for work Thursday morning. Rock happened to be up and came out to the back porch when I stopped the car almost immediately and got out to look at the tires. I told him what was going on, he listened to the noise as I backed out of the drive, but since the car was driving fine, I decided to go on to work and deal with the noise later. I talked to Rock most of the way to work, trying to describe when the noise was louder, when it went away, etc. He thought it was probably a wheel bearing. He had me check the tire when I got to work to make sure it wasn't too hot. (I was supposed to check it at lunch, too, but I had the radio up too loud to hear anything then.) It did make the noise most of the way home Thursday night, though. Friday, Rock and I went to out to test the car and see if we could narrow down what the problem was and where we should take it for repairs. We put the car in reverse and it made the noise again, then we dropped it into neutral and let it roll forward. It made the noise again. This time, Rock decided that it must be the brakes. Since it was the brakes, we weren't willing to take the car just anywhere to be fixed. I don't know about where you live, but around here, brake jobs are the single biggest rip-off in car repairs. No matter what, if you take a car in for brake repairs, the mechanic is going to fix the brakes, then tell you that the brake pads were "worn clean through to the rotors" and "It was scraping metal on metal" and that they had to replace the rotors, too. (Please hear this in my best imitation of a redneck drawl.) After hearing this bullshit for three or four brake jobs, I am not interested in being ripped off again. The only place I will take my car for brake repair is the Best Mechanic on Earth. BME lives three houses up from my mom and I've known him since I was 14. His garage is behind his house and his dad lives next door to him. In bad weather or power outages, he rounds up the older neighbors and takes them to his dad's house, where they have a generator. In short, most honest mechanic ever. So, on Friday I called BME and asked him when he could take a look at my car. Yesterday was his earliest appointment, so we dropped the car off Sunday night and he worked on it yesterday. I called him about 5:00 last night to make sure the car was ready. His reply, "Yeah, I think I got ya ready to roll. Ya ain't gonna to believe what was makin that noise. Ya had ya a rock, stuck between the rotor and the brake guard, scraping against both of 'em. I flipped that outta there, and it was fine." We picked the car up last night. Total charge? $28, for the oil change he did.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Update
Well, the p0rn is no longer coming to my house. Thank God. Apparently, my dad decided to give it to a young, single guy he knows. So my dad will no longer be the king of p0rn. What a relief.
In other news, I have a three hour conference call today that starts at noon. Could this day suck any worse? Wait, don't answer that.
In other news, I have a three hour conference call today that starts at noon. Could this day suck any worse? Wait, don't answer that.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Bow Chicka Bow Wow
Subtitled: The Post My Husband Doesn't Want Me to Write.
But really. Surreal stuff like this does not happen to me very often, so I have to capitalize on it when it does. On Saturday, I received a very strange phone call from my dad. Seems he had a favor to ask of me.
Little backstory here to explain this request. My dad is a minister. He's at a location in which he has more than one church. One of his churches is not pleased with him. I won't say any more to avoid giving identifying details. Suffice it say, he's in a delicate situation with one of his churches. The other churches support him completely.
So. The favor my dad needed to ask of me. He, ah, wants me to store some stuff for him during the summer. See, it's some video tapes and dvd's and he doesn't want to put them in storage because the heat would ruin them. But he really needs to get them out of his house right now because of the church situation. Yep, you guessed it, my dad wants me to store his p0rn collection. Yes, me - mother of two small children.
But wait - it gets better. See, there's 10 boxes of movies.
My father wants me to store his 10 box p0rn collection. Hold me.
I mean, really, WHO has 10 boxes of p0rn? Oh, wait, that would be my dad.
Before you ask, yes, I will count the tapes. Yes, I will take pictures. Yes, I will post them. Rock is having a field day with this. He says he's going to take pictures and show them to his friends and when they ask what it is, he's going to say, "My preacher father-in-law's p0rn collection".
10 BOXES!
All weekend, we've been playing the, "if they're small boxes and only hold 10 tapes, that's still 100 tapes." "if they're big boxes and hold 20 tapes, that's 200 tapes!" O!M!G!
Rock says he didn't know anyone in the military who had that much p0rn and that my dad would be the p0rn god. That makes me the daughter of the p0rn god. Hold me.
But really. Surreal stuff like this does not happen to me very often, so I have to capitalize on it when it does. On Saturday, I received a very strange phone call from my dad. Seems he had a favor to ask of me.
Little backstory here to explain this request. My dad is a minister. He's at a location in which he has more than one church. One of his churches is not pleased with him. I won't say any more to avoid giving identifying details. Suffice it say, he's in a delicate situation with one of his churches. The other churches support him completely.
So. The favor my dad needed to ask of me. He, ah, wants me to store some stuff for him during the summer. See, it's some video tapes and dvd's and he doesn't want to put them in storage because the heat would ruin them. But he really needs to get them out of his house right now because of the church situation. Yep, you guessed it, my dad wants me to store his p0rn collection. Yes, me - mother of two small children.
But wait - it gets better. See, there's 10 boxes of movies.
My father wants me to store his 10 box p0rn collection. Hold me.
I mean, really, WHO has 10 boxes of p0rn? Oh, wait, that would be my dad.
Before you ask, yes, I will count the tapes. Yes, I will take pictures. Yes, I will post them. Rock is having a field day with this. He says he's going to take pictures and show them to his friends and when they ask what it is, he's going to say, "My preacher father-in-law's p0rn collection".
10 BOXES!
All weekend, we've been playing the, "if they're small boxes and only hold 10 tapes, that's still 100 tapes." "if they're big boxes and hold 20 tapes, that's 200 tapes!" O!M!G!
Rock says he didn't know anyone in the military who had that much p0rn and that my dad would be the p0rn god. That makes me the daughter of the p0rn god. Hold me.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
RIP, Michael Jackson
Whatever his personal problems, and God knows he had many, he sure did make some awesome music, didn't he? One of our local stations has been playing Michael almost exclusively this morning, and wow, talk about the soundtrack of my childhood. Thriller came out in 1984 and I was 8. It was the first record I owned. I played it to death, knew every word to every song, and it was all over the radio. There were so many great songs, not just on Thriller, but throughout the '80's and early '90's. "Smooth Criminal", "Bad", "Dirty Diana". Man, it was like taking a walk back through some of my earliest musical memories.
Thank you, Michael, for the music.
Whatever his personal problems, and God knows he had many, he sure did make some awesome music, didn't he? One of our local stations has been playing Michael almost exclusively this morning, and wow, talk about the soundtrack of my childhood. Thriller came out in 1984 and I was 8. It was the first record I owned. I played it to death, knew every word to every song, and it was all over the radio. There were so many great songs, not just on Thriller, but throughout the '80's and early '90's. "Smooth Criminal", "Bad", "Dirty Diana". Man, it was like taking a walk back through some of my earliest musical memories.
Thank you, Michael, for the music.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Inspiration
Inspirational quote for the day:
From FISH! attributed to John Gardner (may or may not be a real person. I found several in a google search, but none that sounded right.)
I read that quote this morning and it just really struck me. It makes me want to do more with my life. Get out and exercise and lose this annoying weight. Do more with my photography. More that I can't even think of right now. Just more. I've felt bored recently, stuck in a rut. I like my job fine, but I certainly don't leap out of bed excited to come to work. I have plenty of work and a few challenges, but it is a fairly routine job, with the same tasks each week. Rock and I have a good relationship, but it seems like even we are in a rut of sorts. We need new topics of conversation. New things to do to spend time together.
There is something I know about you that you may not even know about yourself. You have within you more resources of energy than have ever been tapped, more talent than has ever been exploited, more strength than has ever been tested and more to give than you have ever given.
From FISH! attributed to John Gardner (may or may not be a real person. I found several in a google search, but none that sounded right.)
I read that quote this morning and it just really struck me. It makes me want to do more with my life. Get out and exercise and lose this annoying weight. Do more with my photography. More that I can't even think of right now. Just more. I've felt bored recently, stuck in a rut. I like my job fine, but I certainly don't leap out of bed excited to come to work. I have plenty of work and a few challenges, but it is a fairly routine job, with the same tasks each week. Rock and I have a good relationship, but it seems like even we are in a rut of sorts. We need new topics of conversation. New things to do to spend time together.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Of the Awk
Two awkward situations have cropped up recently. First, one of my coworkers, whom I do consider a friend, invited me to join Twitter. Of course, she doesn't know about this blog. Nor do I want her to. So I can either join Twitter with my real name and not mention my blog, or join Twitter but not friend her (or whatever you do on Twitter). So far, I've ignored her invitation and she hasn't asked about it. Whew.
Second, remember this guy? The college boyfriend who wanted to meet for lunch to catch up? Well, he's emailed me randomly a time or two since friending me and is getting progressively weirder each time. The last time, he sent me an email saying that he had had a dream that something bad happened to my father, and just wanted to make sure he was okay. So I wrote back and said, okay, that's pretty weird, yes, my dad is fine. Then, he asked me some questions about kids (he and his wife just had their first), all of which I answered. And can I just say here that I have never, in all my life, had a dream about an ex's father? I thought that was a little suspicious, but whatevs. That was back in April and I hadn't heard from him since. Until yesterday. See, yesterday was his birthday. (Which I wouldn't have remembered except for the little FB notice thingy.) So I left a message on his profile wall saying, "Happy Birthday - hope it's great!", which is my standard birthday greeting for friends. I logged in later and had the following email from him:
"Shelly-I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to wish me a Happy Birthday. I am not quite sure why, but it means a great deal to me that you would do that. I hope that some day you will be comfortable enough to catch up sometime. I would really like that. I think of you and your family so often. My Very Best- [Ex-Boyfriend]"
Oh Lord. WHAT am I supposed to do with this? What does he want? I swear, I want to write back and just say, "WHY? Why do you think of me and my family so often? I don't think about you at all. Ever." And the "comfortable enough" line! I would be perfectly comfortable around him. I just have no interest. I can't begin to imagine what we would talk about. I talked to one of my friends about it last night and she said that he needs closure, but that there's no way that I can provide that for him, so I should cut off contact. What do you think? Is she right? I'm trying to be the kinder, gentler Shelly here and not cut off contact with people just because they piss me off, so I'm hesitant to cut off contact except as a last resort. But if there's truly no way I can help him, I don't want to prolong this any more than it already has been (10 years, people!), so if cutting off contact will help him get closure, then I'll do it.
Any suggestions?
Second, remember this guy? The college boyfriend who wanted to meet for lunch to catch up? Well, he's emailed me randomly a time or two since friending me and is getting progressively weirder each time. The last time, he sent me an email saying that he had had a dream that something bad happened to my father, and just wanted to make sure he was okay. So I wrote back and said, okay, that's pretty weird, yes, my dad is fine. Then, he asked me some questions about kids (he and his wife just had their first), all of which I answered. And can I just say here that I have never, in all my life, had a dream about an ex's father? I thought that was a little suspicious, but whatevs. That was back in April and I hadn't heard from him since. Until yesterday. See, yesterday was his birthday. (Which I wouldn't have remembered except for the little FB notice thingy.) So I left a message on his profile wall saying, "Happy Birthday - hope it's great!", which is my standard birthday greeting for friends. I logged in later and had the following email from him:
"Shelly-I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to wish me a Happy Birthday. I am not quite sure why, but it means a great deal to me that you would do that. I hope that some day you will be comfortable enough to catch up sometime. I would really like that. I think of you and your family so often. My Very Best- [Ex-Boyfriend]"
Oh Lord. WHAT am I supposed to do with this? What does he want? I swear, I want to write back and just say, "WHY? Why do you think of me and my family so often? I don't think about you at all. Ever." And the "comfortable enough" line! I would be perfectly comfortable around him. I just have no interest. I can't begin to imagine what we would talk about. I talked to one of my friends about it last night and she said that he needs closure, but that there's no way that I can provide that for him, so I should cut off contact. What do you think? Is she right? I'm trying to be the kinder, gentler Shelly here and not cut off contact with people just because they piss me off, so I'm hesitant to cut off contact except as a last resort. But if there's truly no way I can help him, I don't want to prolong this any more than it already has been (10 years, people!), so if cutting off contact will help him get closure, then I'll do it.
Any suggestions?
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