Missouri

Alright, Missouri, let's talk. We drove through Eastern Missouri and up through St. Louis. And I saw *ten* anti-abortion billboards, the worst advertising in the US, and a category of billboards I called, "Hey residents - don't die!". Ten anti-abortion billboards?! For real, y'all. I think we could have gotten the point with one or two. Three, even. Obviously, you feel strongly about this, so I could see putting up three billboards. But ten? That goes beyond strong feeling. I think you all need to change your state nickname. You're not the "Show Me" State - you're the "Let Me Tell You How to Live" State. (And just for the record - anti-abortion propaganda really pisses me off. So this part of the drive did not thrill me.)

Then, as we got closer to St. Louis, the billboards just advertising companies or products increased. And I learned that advertising writers who fail in other places are banished to Missouri. This was the lamest, least imaginative advertising I have ever seen. Billboards sported such hip, now phrases as "Let your trails end here!" There was one billboard for a car dealership that said "Puntermann!" that was straight out of Used Cars. "Look out, Marshall Lucky - it's high prices!"

And then there was my favorite category of Missouri billboards, the "Hey residents - don't die!" Most of them focused on seat belt use. My personal favorite was "Pickup trucks rock. They also roll. Buckle Up." Seriously, y'all - that is word for word. I tried to take a picture of it, but we were going by at 80 miles an hour.

And then! Then, there were the road signs about not hitting road construction workers. At the top, they said "Hit a Worker" with a line under it. And that section was bright orange. Underneath the line, it said $10,000 fine and possible imprisonment. It looked like a carnival sign - Hit a Worker, Win a Prize!