Life, or Something Like It

Whew. Blogger has been being a total bitch this week and shutting down my Internet every time I tried to log in. I seriously just hacked into my own blog. So I am going to post RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND in case I can't get in again! (Actually, now that I've figured it out, I'll probably be fine.) I've had this post percolating in my head since Friday, so I'm glad that I'm finally getting the chance to share it.

As Estaban Vihaio says in Kill Bill Vol.2, "I am very susceptible to flattery." I am also prone to falling into trying to be what someone else thinks I am or should be. And I've been doing that a lot lately. See, about six months ago I had my yearly review at work. My review was very good. My direct supervisor (not Boss - my direct supervisor is not located in my office) praised me greatly and commented that I was promotion material. She made the comment, "I get the feeling that you're not happy where you are." meaning that I would want to move up, should the opportunity arise. And I agreed. Cut to March, when my direct supervisor was promoted. I started learning more about her position, and made it clear that I intended to apply once it was opened. Well, the position still hasn't been opened. And there's some internal politics going on. I think the writing's on the wall about who is going to be chosen. And it's not me. So on Friday, I did some hard thinking about my current position, my supervisor's position, and my life in general. And here's what I came up with. I could handle the supervisor's position. It would be a challenge, and there would be some areas in which I would have to learn a lot. There would be some aspects I would struggle with. There would be some things I would do better than she does them. The interpersonal management aspects, I would do well. The position also requires a lot of travel. As in, about a month out of every quarter. That's a lot of time to be away from small children. Supergirl already gives me grief for working five days a week. (She doesn't really grasp that "work week versus the weekend" thing.) There's also some office political buzz that that position isn't very stable. As for my position, it has its bad days, like every job, but for the most part, I really like it. I know my subject matter. I like my co-workers. I am a respected member of this office and I am treated as such. I have enough work to keep me busy. But I have enough free time that I can tend this corner of the Internet and come visit you all in your corners of the Internets. The position I have now is rock solid. They would have to shut this office down to do without me. And with my performance record, I would just about have to take a shit on Boss' desk to get fired. And my office is in transition, Boss has left and a new Boss is coming in. Not to sound arrogant, but my office needs me right now. They need my knowledge. And they don't need to feel like everyone is jumping ship. Quite frankly, I AM happy where I am. And so, I don't think I'm going to apply for the position if it is ever opened. And I am okay with that decision. I don't have to be the most ambitious. I can stop and smell the roses. And I'm young. There's plenty of time to climb the corporate ladder when my kids are older. They will never be this age again. Right now, I want to change my focus. I had been really focused on work in the last six months (trying to prove myself promotable). I've been working late, working really hard, not taking many days off, etc, etc. That's about to change. It's time to focus on my family. No more staying late (unless I really, really have to), I'm going to take off early on Fridays if I can, I'm going to request a day off to take the kids to the zoo. Not saying I'm going to become a total slacker, I still intend to do a great job, but this is about choosing the life I lead. Right now I am going to choose to put myself and my family first. Maybe another time a promotion will come along that will be the right one for me, but I don't think this one is it.